She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
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I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
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It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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