two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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