I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
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