Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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