The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
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I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
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Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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