Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
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It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
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Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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