So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
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AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
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And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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