this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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