so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
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I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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