Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
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Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
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I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize