He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
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My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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