it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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