he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
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She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
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Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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