You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
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Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
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I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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