The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
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