He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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