I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
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