My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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