Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
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I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
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How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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