Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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