apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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