I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize