I want to stick my p in your. b.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
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The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
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Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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