Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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