The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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