Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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