If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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