i wish starbucks made bloody marys
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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