My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
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