I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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