Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
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He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
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I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize