Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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