i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize