you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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