bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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