Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Just puked most of my soul out..
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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