Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
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I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
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You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
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