This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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