All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
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Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
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It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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