perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
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you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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