You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
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Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
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He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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