My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
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I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
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i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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