Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
i will never coherently bang her
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Randomize