dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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