I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize