Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
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