who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
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what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Randomize