I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Ketchup is God's man juice
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I take back everything I said about communal showers
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Randomize