who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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