My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
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i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
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I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
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